i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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