Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
