Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
