I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
