But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize