dude i'm inner monologue high
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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