there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm like, not good at living.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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