Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
