he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
