so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
