watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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