hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
