I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
