So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
