ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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