Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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