Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
