we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
