I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
