he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
