My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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