whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
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