At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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