Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
