Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
