So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
