I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
