i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
