Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize