On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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