Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
