I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize