Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
