Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize