2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
