and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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