so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
