my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
