i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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