i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
