Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
