wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
