i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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