I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
