Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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