So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ladies don't puke and tell
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
