two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize