I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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