when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
