soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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