just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Bring me that man meat
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
