Umm I'm too high to move.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize