ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
