Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm having to shit out rocks
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
