It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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