so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You took a bar mat shot.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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