Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
