You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
God I need to hump something, right now.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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