You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
