The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
