he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
