i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Randomize
