why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
