During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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