we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
