Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
