Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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