You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
