I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
