We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
