Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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