Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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