We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
