the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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