I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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