Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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