I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
