u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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