The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
