Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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