This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
