She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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