at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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