I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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