I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
