The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
