I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
