Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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