It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
