I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
im holly from the hills drunk
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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