Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
