Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
