we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
